Poison Oak
by Caitlynnn
Summary: "Somewhere in the middle it wont work out. But my god they tried." A story on how sometimes when you love someone, it won't always work out, but at least you tried, but its not enough. ELIONA/ ONE SHOT.


**This is long and overdue. **

**Happy birthday Avalee! Even though your birthday was forever ago. Sorry it took me so long to type this up and finally publish it. I hope it was worth the wait. Ha…**

**Another Eliona fic. **

**Don't own Degrassi I only own Danielle. **

Eli sat on his bed, and had his fingers prepared, poised to type. This was the only thing constant in his life. His writing. There would be nothing left for him by the end of this. He was okay with that.

"How's the writing coming along?" Fiona asks coming into the room sitting besides him. Eli looks at her and he shrugs. "You can read it afterwards."

_People stare at me like I'm a good person. I saved her life and everyone thinks I'm great, like I'm sort of god. What would you do if you saw a girl with a knife in her hand and the panic stricken look in your eyes in an alley at night? Wouldn't you be terrified? I went to her and asked her what she was going to do. She said she was going to kill herself. I had to help her. I had to save her. I've fucked up. I'm a fuck up. I helped her because I saw myself in her. _

_Now they think I'm a good person. How many good deeds do you have to do to be considered a good person? They stare me down like I'm the savior. But they ask me, what was I doing that night that I ran into her? I look high. I am high. Its how I get through shit. I didn't say anything. I told them my name was Ari and my last name wasn't important. _

_I went to a club, I showed them my ID they let me in. I'm a regular. But they had to check me anyway. I see a lot of pretty girls her, but they all got those dead eyes in them. They mirror mine. God, I fucking hate my life. They all tell me I should be happy with my life. Right. That's it. They give me the optimistic view on life. Later down the road they're going to get real pissed when they see that's not how life works here. I guess I can't really complain. I loved people, I hurt people, and I saved people. I don't make much sense. I smoke in old houses, and she takes my picture. She thinks it looks antique. She uses black and white film. I get dressed up for her. I'd do anything for her. I guess that's love, isn't it? You go through their worthless shit because they think it's worth it. _

_Is it possible to love three people in an intense way? I've only given my heart to three people. Three is the lucky number. I swear it is. I know that soon three means something. Because it is three types of pain that I thought I couldn't handle but I did. I felt like killing myself. It hurt that much to love someone. Its funny how that works. I'm pretty sure you love someone once you want to kill yourself. Normal people would ask me why, I tell them its because I feel too much. I can't show I feel too much; it's made me numb. Does that make sense? No? I didn't think it would. I'm sorry. _

"_Do you have a girlfriend?" Shelby asks me as she pours me my drink. _

"_No, I have a best friend." _

_That's how it goes. I have a best friend. I don't tell them I have a girlfriend, because my best friend is all I need. All I breathe. It's dangerous to love your best friend. You give them something that a lover can't ever have. But somehow your best friend ends up being your lover in the end. It's just a fun game you play. You tell people that your best friend is your wife, or your husband. You say it's your sister, your brother. They somehow become your everything and you play that game with them. Because you have reached the level in your relationship that you are really that close with them and you don't even realise it. But that's okay. Not most people do. But what I'm saying is, I have a best friend and I'd do anything for my best friend. If people hurt her, I hurt them and myself because I'm supposed to be the protector. Because she is my lover, my wife, my sister, my… source of living. _

"_You're not supposed to live for people." You tell me, and I shake my head at you. "You're not supposed to live for money either. Or your big boobs or your daily fuck." I set my drink down and smirk at you for a little bit. But you're so pissed off at me that you turn away. _

_No, I get it though. Living for people kills you in the end. And at the end, I do want to die. I don't want to live without knowing what it feels like to be hurt so much that I do end up dying. Does that make sense? No. _

_I want to get hit by a car like Julia did. I want to run my car into the wall like I did for Clara. I want to- and I can't finish the last one. Because it hasn't happened yet. _

"_You're the guy that saved her life. Dude, you're so fucking awesome." A big chubby man tells me, and I look at him and shrug. "Well, you know." I sigh, and I turn back. I know he's still there. He was probably wanting for me to smile and own up to it. But I've always believed in being humble but being silently cocky. _

_My psychologist worries for me. She thinks that I'll do something stupid. People got loads of hope for me. Haha. NOT. It's my final act. I intend of exiting this world with a big bang. _

_As soon as I finish my drink I go back home where my best friend lives. We share a home because we're that fucking cute. I say hello and she's jumping up and down because it's all over the news. My face is all over the news. She's so happy for me. She's so proud of me. She's so she's so she's so. Yeah. Can I just go to my room and be pissed off at myself? _

_I mean, its just one good deed. I cleared my name in everyone's book. I am no longer on people's hate list anymore after what I did. Because everyone thinks saving someone's life is a good thing. I'm still wondering how I did it. I can't even save my own life. _

_I Ari am a fuck up. I Ari with-not-telling-you-my-last-name am a real fuck up. And you don't even know why I'm a fuck up. You don't even know my story. But I rather not tell you it because it might not be as bad as you think it is, or it may be as bad as you do think it is. I guess it depends how big your imagination is. I guess it depends if you like label. I guess it also depends how your little clogged up with dreams mind works. Maybe you really get anxious if you don't know things. I don't know I'm not you. Perhaps you're as fucked up as I am. _

"_You should be proud of yourself Ari." She says and smiles._

_And just like that._

_I smile. _

_So this is what happiness looks like, eh?_

_This is what people die for? _

_This is what people feel like in those cheap movies? _

_It's supposed to make you feel like shit?_

_Because I love someone who will never love me back. I mean, she loves me, but she will never love me in that way. This has happened before. Clara destroyed me and I still loved her, but after a while you learn that it eventually passes. It still hurts, yeah. But it's a different type of love. The type of love that one lets go. _

_If I could tell Clara one thing I would tell her:_

_You and I are going to have this big love affair and somewhere in the middle it won't work out, but my god we tried. _

_You try. You don't succeed. That's alright. At least you tried. _

"_Thanks." I tell her and I go to my room. _

_Ari the fuck up/Ari the savior/Ari the stoner/Ari the drinker/Ari the killer._

_AriAriAriAriAriAri. _

_I'm losing myself by my own name. I'm becoming different people that I don't want to be. _

_. _

_I want to scream. _

_But you see this story has a twist. _

_I have a gun in my closet and I have a white shirt. My walls are white the bed sheets. My blood is red. _

_Get the picture? _

_If I point the gun to my head you can call my blood the paint and I splatter everywhere and then I can be called:_

_Ari the piece of living art. _

_What a lovely picture. _

_Once I carved on my skin: Nothing. _

_Once I carved on my skin: Julia. _

_Once I carved on my skin: Clara. _

_Once I carved on my skin: Celeste. _

_Once I carved on my skin: Hate. _

_Once I carved on my skin and I tried to kill myself she found me and she picked me up off the ground and called the hospital and called the cops. Once I had to live with the crazies once I had to sleep with the crazies and I nearly killed one of them because he wouldn't fucking shutup and I just wanted the screaming to stop in my head but I thought it was the crazy person it turns out it was just me. Once after I lived with the crazies I had to see people and whisper to them my inner demons and fantasy and once they said I repress pain once I have this thing where I find my death pleasing. _

_Once she believed in me. _

_And the worst part of it all is? _

_She still does. _

_Celeste is her name. And Celeste is my best friend and I really do love her. You want to know how I love her? Because she believes in me, and she makes me smile. I love her because I know I can't have her and I know that no matter what I do and say I won't gain anything. And I'm okay with that. I suppose my view on love is this: _

_I just want her happy. _

_I don't care if it's with me or if it's with her or even him. As long as she is smiling and as long as she is feeling those butterflies then that's okay. Because that's all that I want for her. When she hurts it hurts me, I want to die and I cut when she hurts because I can't make her happy no how hard I try. The person that fucked her over is the only one to make her happy. I no longer try anymore because I know like I said, I won't gain anything. And like I said, I'm okay with that. _

_There comes a point where you just stop trying to love someone and you just… do, it just becomes a part of you and you don't say anything because you can't. Your feelings no longer matter. _

_And you know what that's called? _

_Unrequited love. _

_…. Arithelover. _

_This isn't a happy story. _

_This is a story how I saved someone's life and how I loved someone more than I loved myself. This is a story where I hurt a lot and I'm okay with hurting a lot. This is a story how love can overtake you and make you feel like you're invincible but how it can completely ruin you and makes you feel like shit. This is a story how a monster finally dies._

_This is a story without a hero. _

_I guess you can create your own ending. I guess it depends how you like your endings. I'm sorry for bothering you. I never meant to do that. I just really like to make a grand story and leave it with an open ending. Because anything can happen now._

_But I guess I should do a last action. So here it goes: _

_I walked over to the closet and I got that gun and I looked at down directly at it with a smirk on my face. _

_Where does this leave you now? _

_Arithevictimofhisownmind._

_Ha. _

Eli had finish typing and he looked back at his own work and he looked over at Fiona who was in the kitchen making her a cup of tea. He sighed as he pressed save on his computer and walked over to her. He grunted a little bit as he got a cup and put the tea bag in the cup and poured himself some hot water.

"Its finished." He told her and he looked over at her and she was smiling at him. "Well I for one can't wait to read it." She said as she walked over to the computer.

Eli nodded as he went back to his bedroom and got the computer and sat it down on the kitchen table for her to read. He let her get settled before he clicked on the document. "There you go." He said as he went back to his room and shut the door behind him.

He wasn't sure why he was showing her that. He just felt like it needed to be said. There was no real plot, and no real story line but lately Eli's head been in quite a slump and he needed to let all the feelings he had been suppressing out. Ari was Eli's alter ego. Fiona knew that.

And he meant what he wrote. He did love Fiona. And she did believe in him, and Fiona was the world to him. He didn't know when he realized he loved Fiona he supposed he always did. It was just that things were hard in their relationship. They were so close to each other and he knew that with one action he did it would drive her away and he didn't want that.

Because Clare he would always love, you don't forget your first love. Because it is such a painful thing to feel. And Julia was the love that he had to let go not because he wanted to but he had to. He knew he fucked up with both. He let his dark side come out on both of them. Maybe he was unworthy of love. He just destroyed people anyway.

Eli had walked out of his room and Fiona had finished. He slowly walked over to the couch and he looked at her. Fiona didn't say anything.

"Who is Celeste?" She asked in a bare whisper. Eli didn't answer for a second. "Who is Celeste?" She asked again.

Eli looked away. "You're going to hate me." Eli said again, he already felt the tears.

"It's you."

**II. **

Fiona doesn't really understand what went down that day. Neither does Eli. But it wasn't supposed to be that way between them. Best friends aren't supposed to like each other. You're not supposed to feel that way between the opposite. But that's just how it goes. A guy and a girl can't be best friends with each other because sooner or later one will fall for the other. It may not be at the same time. But it does happen.

And that's the beauty of friendships. You never know why you feel that way, and you never know why it ended up the way it did. But I guess you could say it was a test to see how strong you are. Sometimes people change, and sometimes the change alters who they are as people.

Eli had gotten the box in his room and he took it out to his car. It was the last box he had in his room.

"Okay." He said as he closed the hood and went back into the condo. "Here." He handed Danielle the key and she took it slowly and nodded.

"Thanks." Danielle said, and put it in her pocket. "Hopefully that key doesn't break like the last one." Eli said conversationally as he got the last look.

"Wow I am really going to miss this place." He said with a slight laugh.

Fiona had walked out of her room and looked at Eli and Danielle. "You'll call me later, right?" Fiona asked, going over to Danielle and taking her hand. "Don't I always?" Eli said, shrugging looking over at the kitchen that he knew so well.

"Well I just wanted to make sure." She told him, looking at Eli's face, detecting anything but it was… peaceful somewhat somber, which surprised her a bit.

He nodded, "Yeah, I'll call." He agreed but then started to walk out.

"You probably won't see me around much, though." He finally said. "I'm um…. Going to California for a few months." He shrugged. "I just… need some Eli time." He said looking down at his shoes for distraction. Danielle had walked into Eli's old room.

"What do you mean?" Fiona asked a little panicky. She loved him; he was her best friend, the one who stayed by her side when shit went wrong in her world. "Do you want me to go with you?" She offered. They had been down this road before, but it just didn't work anymore. As much as Eli wanted that he knew he couldn't have that because it wouldn't be fair for Danielle and it wouldn't be fair for Eli's feelings, either.

"No I need to go alone, Fi." He shook his head. "It wouldn't be good for you and I." He said looking away and not at her anymore.

And Fiona knew that this was true.

"I'll see you around." He said, smiling a little. Fiona had taken his hand and drew him closer so she could hug him. He was a little shocked by the action, just like he was shocked when Clare hugged him right after she told him about "taking a break" but he had wrapped his arms around her and just let himself soak it up for now. Because it would be a while until he would come back to Canada.

They didn't say anything when they released and Eli left out the door towards his car. They didn't say anything to each other. Eli had got in his car and he started to write in his head his dialogue with Ari because now Ari was taking control of things. Ari was the constant in his life. Because Ari was stronger than Eli would ever be.

He still thinks back to that story. He never really did give it a name. He never really did finish it. He hoped that Ari wouldn't kill himself in the end. But he guessed Ari didn't. But then again Ari is multiple Eli's in different stories that Eli creates. So maybe Ari did kill himself. He wasn't so sure.

But this is reality. This is real. His pain was real. And Fiona was real, too.

I guess he didn't know what he was worth. And I guess he was okay with that.

He watches the condo from his mirror and he aches a little. But this isn't about him anymore. His feelings don't matter anymore.

_Somewhere in the middle it won't work out. _

_But my god they tried. _

**Review?**


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